Tony’s Life Goals: A List

My list of Goals for Life is broken up into three sections: Probable, Possible, and Unlikely. Here are some examples (it starts off kind of sappy, and gets better):


  1. Pay off my school loans
  2. Figure out what I want to be when I grow up/do that
  3. Get a house/pay for house/own house
  4. Achieve contentment/happiness


  1. Meet girl, fall in love, get married, have kids, embarrass them when they get older
  2. Hike the entire length of the Appalachian Trail
  3. Write a (preferably good) book (I’ve tried, it’s hard)
  4. Live in a cabin in the woods for an unspecified amount of time


  1. Beat Pac-Man
  2. Own a boat/sail around the world/earn Popeye-anchor tattoos
  3. See Goal #1 of “Possible”, replace “girl” with “Emma Watson
  4. Give ponies to my friends 

Last night, I added a #5 to the “Probable” list:

5. Eventually become a real bearded Santa

At the Library we had our annual open house, and there’s this local dude who is a member of the Buckeye Santas, which is one of several groups in America of guys who maintain a beard and act jolly all year round.

Just think about that for a minute. In order to be a member, you have to have a full beard year round (unless, according to the charter, you have a medical reason why you can’t which will be taken on a case-by-case basis, though I’m struggling to think up a medical reason why you couldn’t keep a beard), and you have to act in a manner that is conducive to the way people see Santa Claus.

I’ve been thinking about that since last year, and let me tell you, it’s a tough notion. No flying off the handle. It doesn’t mean you’ve got to be all “Ho Ho Ho” for 12 months a year, but you can’t be a douchebag.

I think I could handle that.

(Right now, my mom is reading this and thinking, “Oh, Lord, what is he saying,” to which I respond “Chill, mom: I’ve got to have white hair to pull this off, and hopefully I’ll be old and retired and you’ll be long expired.” Not that I want you dead, understand, it’s just going to be a while, is what I’m saying. And then I can’t embarrass you with my wacky hijinks anymore! It’s win-win.)

So anywayssss, there you go. There’s my (current) list of Life Goals, be they normal or wacky, likely or not.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

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4 Responses to Tony’s Life Goals: A List

  1. Lizzie says:

    Hi Tony!
    I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
    However, sailing or doing something around the world is on the list for me. I think it’s in my possible category though. I know someone who sailed around the world; he was kind of weird.
    And, I have a medicinal reason for why you can’t have a beard the whole year round. It’s that your Possible list No. 1 won’t appreciate and will do whatever it takes to not let your beard get so unruly!

    • Emily Berger says:

      I don’t know if you will ever see this since I am behind a few years =p
      But I’m looking to fill that Possible list No. 1 spot! If when we are old and gray, he wants to walk around looking and acting like Santa, I am perfectly fine with that! The one I don’t like is Unlikely list No. 3…I would have issues with that!
      Have a great day =]

  2. Jason says:

    When, not if, but when you achieve “Write a (preferably good) book (I’ve tried, it’s hard)” I will happily and gladly buy it and then tell all my friends to buy it. Sincerely dude, your writing rocks the funny bone to me. And on the plus side achieving this goal could help with goal 3 under unlikely. ;)

  3. Kurtis says:

    I like your number 3 of unlikly.

    Youll get the book and to sail im sure. Heck you can become the santa of the seven seas when old.

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