I almost had to quit my job today

So who out there is familiar with the Theory of Infinite Universes? Show of hands? Okay, some of you are familiar with it, and some of you aren’t. That’s fine, we’ll catch you up right now:

I think this picture is mostly just trippy, but it’ll do

The theory goes that for everything that ever has happened, every time the wind blew west, every time an asteroid killed off the dinosaurs, every time you had Mickey D’s hold the special sauce on your Big Mac, there’s another Universe where the wind blew east, where dinosaurs are still running around, and where you like extra special sauce.

Basically, there are infinite universes just a side-step away from ours where different things happen, and new ones are being created every instant.

About an hour before I started writing this, a universe was formed where I had to quit my new job at the library. That universe is not this universe, thank goodness, but it’s out there now, about an hour back and one step sideways.

Long story short, I almost farted right in front of the ladies that work here. I didn’t. But it almost happened.


It wasn’t an intentional thing: I wasn’t deciding “This would be an awesome time to rip one!” No, it was more like I just bent over weird, constricting my innards in such a way that “I totally almost ripped one!” zipped through my head.

If that had occurred, I would have had to either laugh it off and play it like it was no big deal (something I doubt I’m cool enough to pull off) or look around scared before running off to deal with the shame of knowing that these nice ladies would forever know me as “that weird guy who worked here for a month before he farted and ran away.”

The second is the more likely of those two possibilities.

But, again, that didn’t happen. The only way they’ll ever know is… well, when they read this blog. But that will be at least a day or so in the future, so no big.

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