Wanted: Awesome Roomie

I hate house hunting. It’s terrible. I’m not even looking for a house: I’m looking for an apartment, but every single apartment around Greenville seems to be a single bedroom crap-hole with a ridonkulous price tag, or a really nice two-bedroom place that would be awesome if I had a roommate BUT I DON’T HAVE A ROOMMATE.


And here’s my problem with finding a roommate: I’ve been spoil’t. (I can spell how I want cause this is my blog: grammar nazis begone, I say.) I had some awesome roommates who always paid their rent on time, who took on some part of the responsibility for managing bills, who had awesome furniture and delightful pets and who rarely wanted to shower at the same time I did, and when they decided to do the nasty they did it on a completely different floor from the one I lived on so I wouldn’t be disturbed by their rendition of the horizontal tango.

They’re totally doing it upstairs, and I don’t even care.

I had excellent roommates. But I’ve also had terrible roommates.

The kinds that leave crap in the sink; that leave crap in the toilet; that can’t pay for a laundromat so they wash their undies in the sink and then hang them in the living room and kitchen to drip-dry; that would, on a regular basis, let the litter box sit until its a solid block of cat-piss and then buy a new one rather than clean it out a few times a week; that, in fits of passive-aggressive rage, would lie about why the heat isn’t working so the rest of us can’t hold a pencil because we’re so cold while they laugh, toasty warm, in front of their electric heater.

I’ve had the logical extremes of the roommate experiences. The only way it could have been worse is if they short-sheeted me on a regular basis; the only way it could have been better is if they paid me to live with them.

Or, if they happened to look like this.

So. I’m looking for a roommate. If you suck, please don’t apply. Bonus points if you look like anyone in the picture above.

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2 Responses to Wanted: Awesome Roomie

  1. Lizzie says:

    Tony, it would be remiss to not tell you to rent one of my parents’ apartments in new madison. I know it would probably suck a little to live there, but you do work there so maybe it would be worth it. Also, my mom could use some high quality tenants. If you are interested just go to the laundromat in the morning, her name is Joan.

  2. Vitamin T says:

    Liz, if I’d known earlier, I would have definitely done so. I have actually found a place, and I’m looking to move in some time this weekend. Thank you for the advice, though. If ever you return from your European adventures, let me know and I’ll have you and your fella over for coffee in my new pad.

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