I hate house hunting. It’s terrible. I’m not even looking for a house: I’m looking for an apartment, but every single apartment around Greenville seems to be a single bedroom crap-hole with a ridonkulous price tag, or a really nice two-bedroom place that would be awesome if I had a roommate BUT I DON’T HAVE A ROOMMATE.
And here’s my problem with finding a roommate: I’ve been spoil’t. (I can spell how I want cause this is my blog: grammar nazis begone, I say.) I had some awesome roommates who always paid their rent on time, who took on some part of the responsibility for managing bills, who had awesome furniture and delightful pets and who rarely wanted to shower at the same time I did, and when they decided to do the nasty they did it on a completely different floor from the one I lived on so I wouldn’t be disturbed by their rendition of the horizontal tango.
I had excellent roommates. But I’ve also had terrible roommates.
The kinds that leave crap in the sink; that leave crap in the toilet; that can’t pay for a laundromat so they wash their undies in the sink and then hang them in the living room and kitchen to drip-dry; that would, on a regular basis, let the litter box sit until its a solid block of cat-piss and then buy a new one rather than clean it out a few times a week; that, in fits of passive-aggressive rage, would lie about why the heat isn’t working so the rest of us can’t hold a pencil because we’re so cold while they laugh, toasty warm, in front of their electric heater.
I’ve had the logical extremes of the roommate experiences. The only way it could have been worse is if they short-sheeted me on a regular basis; the only way it could have been better is if they paid me to live with them.
So. I’m looking for a roommate. If you suck, please don’t apply. Bonus points if you look like anyone in the picture above.